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Renegotiating the Marriage Contract


As little girls we may have dreamed about marriage but really we probably were just dreaming about the wedding. Planning our dress, our bridesmaids dresses, the cake, etc. Marriage, ah well, that's something entirely different. An unknown. Whether you are religious or not, there are certainly concepts as to what is a marriage. And we enter into one with an idea of how it will "always" be. And then life happens. Buying homes, having children, changing jobs, growing older.

I would like to propose renegotiating the entire marriage "package". Marriage is a partnership, for sure. To have and to hold. To support one another's dreams. To hold each other's hand through times of trouble and aches. But there is an element that isn't discussed, and that is the subject of attraction. Yes, you can be madly attracted to each other; want each other all the time. Yet, this desire changes over time and sometimes fades completely, and you are left with the marriage contract, the obligation, the promise, the vows. What if we were to treat the sexual aspect, the physical attraction to one another, as a separate entity? What we once wanted, couldn't live without, ebbs and then what? Do we throw in the towel? Do we grin and bear it? Do we do without? None of these options seem fair to either one involved. Instead I propose that we keep the marriage and open up the sexual territory, so that we can each be individually satisfied and still remain true to the basic concepts of the marriage. I realize that many will see this as insane, but I think if both parties are open minded and committed to keeping the "marriage" as a whole and honoring the individuals needs we would be a whole lot happier and there would be lower divorce rates. I'm willing. Are you?